The Tell-Tale Humidifier

4/17/11

For seven years I’ve ignored a great big sticker on my humidifier that says, “For important product information, please CALL BEFORE USING 1-800-210-8062.”  I’ve never encountered a product other than a credit card that insisted I call a phone number before using.  I was skeptical because what could they possibly want to tell me?  That my humidifier likes long walks on the beach?  That my humidifier contains gluten?  That my humidifier was involved in the disappearance of the Lindbergh baby?  After seven years of wondering, my curiosity finally got the best of me when I broke down and phoned the toll-free number.  A voice on the other end of the line answered and informed me that this phone number was no longer in service.  Despite my pleas to be told the important product info, the automated voice would not listen.  The line went dead.  Now, I plan to drive to the middle of the woods and dig a hole to bury the humidifier and its evil secrets.