An Italian Lesson That Translates to All Languages

1/24/12

Seeing photos of the huge, beautiful Italian cruise ship on its side is a frightening and uncomfortable sight.  Nearly a year ago, I took that same cruise.  While it was aboard a different, smaller Costa cruise ship, the route was the same.  I wondered if any of the wonderful people we met onboard that vessel were working on the troubled vessel.  I recall going to our mandatory safety briefing.  We were all given life jackets with whistles attached.  During the safety demonstration, most people laughed, drank beer, and blew their whistles.  It was  similar to how people behave during the safety briefing on airplanes.  While the flight attendants review important instructions, 95% of the passengers ignore them.  I imagine that these are the same 95% of people who would claim to the media that the staff was ill-prepared for an emergency.  A wise woman once told me that the root word of learn is ear…don’t forget to use yours.

The Opti-Grab, Pt. II

Steve Martin's follow up to Opti-Grab Glasses

1 /15/12   

I came across one of these goofy-looking shovels with the kinked handles at the hardware store.  A sign described the shovels using phraseology such as: “ergonomically bent handle…that helps scoop snow.”  Why that all sounds credible, but how does it actually compare to shovels with regular handles?  I imagine the guy who invented these shovels sipping on Pina Coladas while sitting on a warm, sunny beach laughing about how many millions he made on snow shovels with stupid-looking handles.

Christmas Guarantees

12/25/11

Christmas Day 2011 in Chicago

You're guaranteed a few things today:

-Someone will be shocked at how few cars were on the road.  "We made it here in record time!"

-Your relatives will open presents in order of youngest to oldest.  Your relatives will also break out the same jokes from previous years about who's older than whom.  Fake laughter will ensue.

-Someone will receive a Chia Pet.  Somebody must be buying them since the TV commercials re-appear each season.

-A long-winded rant from your angry aunt about how next Christmas there will be no gift exchange

-The gift of socks

-A text from an unknown phone number that says, "Merry Christmas!" that you'll spend the rest of the afternoon trying to figure out who sent it

-No one will receive The Clapper

-The finest wine...out of a box

-Green bean casserole

Everyone Has A Story

12/1/11

Take the time to listen to someone's story.

An elderly man stood next to a pillar while his wife struggled with their camera.  Thinking that they needed help, Mandy walked over and introduced herself.  The elderly woman apologized for her camera ignorance and then said that her husband was a former soldier who served in the British army during World War II.  He was stationed on the island of Malta and showed us a photo of him in full army uniform taken in 1944 at this very place where we were standing 56 years later.  His dream was to get back to this very place and pay respect to his platoon.  It was a beautiful piece of history and one of the highlights of our Mediterranean cruise.  Everybody has a story.  Take the time to listen and you, too, might share in a piece of history.

Best TV Commercial of 2011

11/29/11

The greatest TV commercial that you’ll see this holiday season isn’t for The Clapper, but rather Hyundai.  It features Jorge & Alexa Narvaez singing “Feliz Navidad.”  This is the same father-daughter combo whose rendition of Edward Sharpe’s “Home” has been watched over 16 million times on YouTube.  In the original video, Alexa wears a snowman on her shirt and a huge smile on her face while singing with her dad.  The “not a dry eye in the room” moment strikes when Alexa flashes a loving smile to her dad while singing the lyrics “Home is whenever I’m with you.”  It’s the simplest and most unrehearsed definition of love.      

Psych

10/25/11

I’ve never watched the cable TV series Psyche, but I imagine a typical episode would go like this: Detective Shawn Spencer chases the elusive bad guy and eventually comes face to face with him.  In a climactic moment, Shawn extends his hand to the bad guy giving him the impression that he wants to shake hands.  But Shawn’s hand then changes course and instead it runs through his dark hair.  The bad guy stands there with his hand extended as Shawn says, “Psyche!”