Paul McCartney's "Wonderful Christmastime" Is Still Gawd-Awful

Now that Christmas music is blasting out of every store speaker this side of Skokie, you likely will be subjected to the worst Christmas song ever made.  The problem with this song is that this song is sung by a Beatle.  That's right, this dubious award goes to Sir Paul McCartney for his head-scratching holiday hit "Wonderful Christmastime."  For five decades now, this song has annoyed holiday shoppers almost as much as the word doorbuster.  It's more proof that ex-Beatles can get away with passing off crap songs simply because the name Lennon, Starr, Harrison, or McCartney is attached (see: "I've Got My Mind Set On You", for example).  Our friends at Wikipedia report that each year, royalties from "Wonderful Christmastime" net McCartney nearly $40,000 for a profit of nearly $15,000,000(!).  I wonder what Yoko thinks about that.

Bakers Square ala Mode

What do you associate with Thanksgiving?  Probably turkey, stuffing, and those yams baked with marshmallows on the top, right?  On my list, I associate Thanksgiving with Bakers Square.  Yes, the restaurants where they used to remind you to "come for the food, stay for the pie."  If you're like my girlfriend, you might think that they all closed.  Well, you're both wrong.  Bakers Square is alive and well, thank you very much!  In fact, the one in my hometown of Schererville, Indiana now features a fireplace!  That's right, a place to warm your fingers and toes while you scarf down a slice of their French Silk.  In high school and the years following when I'd be back in town, my friends and I would always meet up at The Square.  We laughed, we flirted with the waitress, we laughed some more, and had pie (we sure knew how to party).  While the fireplace may be a new addition to The Square, each table still houses the glossy flip menu with pictures and mouth-watering descriptions of all the Bakers Square pies.  Just don't be that guy who thumbs through all 45 pages of scrumptious pies only to order a slice of apple pie.  

Thanksgiving Givens

Once again, it's almost time to feast on turkey and canned cranberries on the blessed day known as Black Friday Eve (formerly "Thanksgiving").  Thanksgiving comes with plenty of givens including the following:

-green bean casserole with crispy onions...just like the Pilgrims ate!
-your angry uncle condemning all Black Friday shoppers who wait in line at 2am to buy a 19-inch TV
-your aunt who plans to wait in line at 2am to buy said 19-inch TV
-a football game between two teams you couldn't care less about
-grandpa falling asleep on the couch while still managing to hold up the sports section 
-the annual drawing to find out which relative you'll be buying a gift for in the family grab bag
-the annual trading of names drawn so that you don't have to buy for your crazy cousin
 -someone blaming tryptophan for making everyone sleepy and not the 8,400 calories they just consumed

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

Watching History

History twice in the making.

Three years ago, I got my first taste of the Mediterranean with stops in England, Italy, Spain, and Malta during my vacation.  While there were so many highlights, one particular moment still stands out from the rest.  It happened in Valleta on the island of Malta--a small country off the coast of Sicily.  While there, I stumbled upon an elderly married couple in an outdoor coffeeshop.  The woman was surveying the area while holding an old photograph while her husband stood nearby raising his cane to point at some of the pillars.  When we approached the duo, the woman explained that her husband was a former British soldier who was once stationed on the island of Malta during World War II.  The photo she was holding happened to be a photo of her husband from 1944 standing in that very spot.  This was the first time in nearly 55 years that the man last stepped foot there.  The two were quite humble and downplayed the significance of their visit, but we would have none of that.  I snapped this photo of the two of them holding the photo and thanked them for sharing their story.  It was a beautiful and perfect moment of history.      

"But I Don't Wanna Be A Gottfried!"

This past May marked the 15th anniversary of the Seinfeld finale.  Yes, Seinfeld has been off the air for 15 years!  Despite this, I still make it a point to watch reruns of Seinfeld every night before I go to bed.  If you also need to get your Seinfeld fix but can't take another viewing of the Puffy Shirt episode, then I suggest the @Modern Seinfeld Twitter feed that presents ideas of Seinfeld episodes if it were still on the air today.  There's also Seinfeld's web-series called "Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee" in which Seinfeld drives in cars and (you guessed it) gets coffee.  The scariest part of this series, however, is how much Jerry now resembles Gilbert Gottfried.

"But I don't want to be a Gottfried!"

You've Got Mail (That Isn't From Groupon)

Long, long ago (I'm talking at least six years ago), we used to log onto our email accounts via our trusty desktop computers.  Our accounts were from Yahoo, Hotmail, and AOL while some of our more cutting-edge friends had these new fancy Gmail accounts.  Our inbox typically included email messages from Grandma asking if we got the cookbook she mailed and reminding us that we still haven't RSVP'd for the family picnic, our old college roommate detailing his upcoming bachelor party, and our mother-in-law who found an article proving that Barack Obama was indeed not an American citizen.  Our inbox was like our personal life journal complete with lengthy conversations, pictures and stories from friends and family both near and far.  Things changed as social media and text messaging took the place of long-form email and unlimited minutes erased the fear of paying for a long-distance phone call.  I admit, I do miss sending and receiving long-form emails to friends.  Nowadays, it seems that my inbox only gets filled by people who want my business.  This morning, for example, I had messages from Restaurant.com, the White Sox, Bank of America, Living Social, Groupon, and LinkedIn.  While I do miss emails from Grandma, I don't miss messages questioning Obama's origin.

Get Your Act Together

Smile! Show me those pearly blue-green teeth.

Next time you find yourself at your local drug store or bodega, hum along to the soft rock and stroll over to the dental aisle.  There you will find bottles of mouthwash that boast bright blue, green and red colors that would cause a package of Starburst to blush.  These colorful mouthwash bottles sit right above numerous pastes, gels and trays that promise to whiten your teeth.  Odd, isn't it?  Every person wants whiter teeth...yet most dental mouthwashes contain Red #40  food coloring.    

Tripped Up By....Nothing

It's inevitable that during the course of a day you'll find yourself walking and then suddenly...you trip.  This brief moment of clumsiness is followed by feelings of awkwardness and embarrassment.  Desperate for a cause to your clumsiness, you look back at the asphalt for clues.  There are no tree roots, broken pavement, or even litter.  So, you carry on and shrug it off while hoping that no one noticed.  Last night, I watched this scene play out in front of me as a thirty-something woman tripped, looked back, but then did something I've never seen happen--the woman stopped and stood there laughing.  Not just a "ha ha", but a full-on belly laugh.  She was laughing in a manner much like she heard Jim Gaffigan doing stand-up about Hot Pockets.  "Don't worry about it," I told her as I passed.  "It happens to everyone."  She couldn't care any less.