My Top 5 Awesomely Bad Songs

7/15/12

After uploading Coastin’ by Cities Aviv (also known as song number 3,970), my iPod finally had enough.  Never in my seven years of owning this rectangular jukebox did I ever expect to see the message: “There is not enough room to upload the selected songs.”  Moving forward, I can either delete songs that have fallen out of favor with my ears or to start moving new music exclusively on my iPhone.  I find both options unsatisfactory.  In fact, I’m quite proud of most of my music—even the stuff that is so bad that it’s good.  For example:

#5 We Don’t Need Another Hero by Tina Turner

I don’t know what Tina is singing about in this song, but the wailing saxophone makes me long for a youthful Bill Clinton to appear on The Arsenio Hall Show while the children singing makes me a tad uncomfortable. 

#4 Show Me The Way by Styx

Despite Dennis DeYoung once ignoring my chants of “Domo Arigato!” on a flight from Vegas, this song remains a favorite.  During the Persian Gulf War in 1990-91, a DJ took this song and spliced clips of families wishing their loved ones a safe and speedy return home and radio stations played it every 8 minutes.  It was one of those songs that tugged at your heartstrings no matter who you were.

#3 Meet Me Halfway by Black Eyed Peas

If you ignore the part of the song that features robotic vocals, the Peas actually put together a pretty catchy hook.

#2 James Brown Is Dead by LA Style

James Brown was alive and well in 1992, but don't tell LA Style.  Despite being low on substance, this song is high on nostalgia.  Don’t pretend you weren’t jamming to the B-96 Saturday Night Dance Party back in the day because you were!  If you know who the names Tim Spinnin’ Shommer and Brian “Hit Mix” Middleton, then you’ll appreciate all this song has to offer.

#1 All Night Long by Lionel Richie

All people born before the year 1984 know this gem and can successfully rattle off exactly one lyric to the song: “Fiesta, forever!”