Another Week, Another Recall

7/27/12

Each week, the news contains at least one heartwarming story just like this :

Looks like Ed's engine is over-heating again.

The Ford Motor Company has issued a recall on all 2009 Ford Z-50 Sport Utility Vehicles.  Independent tests confirm that when the Z-50 comes into contact with asphalt, it will immediately burst into a flame ball the size of Maryland.  Laboratory tests also showed that when the Z-50 reached speeds above 45 MPH, the breaks would no longer function causing drivers to crash into passers-by. Additionally, engineers cited at least three occasions of Z-50 drivers who rolled down the passenger's side window only to be bitten by African Killer Bees.  (Yes, those same killer bees that you've been hearing about since the 7th grade--they're here and they're pissed off!).  Ford encourages all owners of the 2009 Ford Z-50 with a valid warranty to immediately drive it into the nearest dealership for immediate repairs. 

Does Anyone Say "I Do" to the Video...More Than Once?

7/26/12

Every married couple who tied the knot after 1990 has one of these.  Chances are that it's sitting among a dusty pile of aging VCR tapes and rarely-viewed DVDs that were pushed to the back of the entertainment center.  I'm talking about the wedding video.  This video likely contains just over 3 hours of footage including that part in the ceremony where the bride started laughing uncontrollably as well as when your wacky Uncle Mike danced the moonwalk while topless at the reception.  It likely cost $2,000 to have these precious moments captured on film.  Here's my question: outside of an anniversary or the first time they received the video, do couples ever watch their wedding video?

My Top 5 Awesomely Bad Songs

7/15/12

After uploading Coastin’ by Cities Aviv (also known as song number 3,970), my iPod finally had enough.  Never in my seven years of owning this rectangular jukebox did I ever expect to see the message: “There is not enough room to upload the selected songs.”  Moving forward, I can either delete songs that have fallen out of favor with my ears or to start moving new music exclusively on my iPhone.  I find both options unsatisfactory.  In fact, I’m quite proud of most of my music—even the stuff that is so bad that it’s good.  For example:

#5 We Don’t Need Another Hero by Tina Turner

I don’t know what Tina is singing about in this song, but the wailing saxophone makes me long for a youthful Bill Clinton to appear on The Arsenio Hall Show while the children singing makes me a tad uncomfortable. 

#4 Show Me The Way by Styx

Despite Dennis DeYoung once ignoring my chants of “Domo Arigato!” on a flight from Vegas, this song remains a favorite.  During the Persian Gulf War in 1990-91, a DJ took this song and spliced clips of families wishing their loved ones a safe and speedy return home and radio stations played it every 8 minutes.  It was one of those songs that tugged at your heartstrings no matter who you were.

#3 Meet Me Halfway by Black Eyed Peas

If you ignore the part of the song that features robotic vocals, the Peas actually put together a pretty catchy hook.

#2 James Brown Is Dead by LA Style

James Brown was alive and well in 1992, but don't tell LA Style.  Despite being low on substance, this song is high on nostalgia.  Don’t pretend you weren’t jamming to the B-96 Saturday Night Dance Party back in the day because you were!  If you know who the names Tim Spinnin’ Shommer and Brian “Hit Mix” Middleton, then you’ll appreciate all this song has to offer.

#1 All Night Long by Lionel Richie

All people born before the year 1984 know this gem and can successfully rattle off exactly one lyric to the song: “Fiesta, forever!”    

Mom.

5/13/12

I hadn’t been feeling well the weekend that my mom first came down to visit me at college.  For no obvious reason, I was throwing up like it was my major.  By Sunday, I was so sick that my mom took me to the ER.  Fast forward 12 hours, and my appendix was removed and multiple tubes protruded from my body.  A simple appendectomy became more complex after my appendix decided to wrap itself around some other appendage.  My doctor told me this was the reason I experienced years of pain and discomfort including one previous trip to the ER over prom weekend.  Through it all, my mom was at my side sticking it out with me.  She slept down the hall in a tiny room and even had to help me shower (which was probably equally embarrassing for both of us).  Her job at the time only gave her two precious weeks of vacation time, and she wound up burning a week of it with me at the ever-charming Bloomington Hospital.  She actually worked a second job at the time, and had to put that aside as well.  Five days later when I was finally released, it was an extremely warm October night littered with severe weather watches and warnings.  Despite both of us having limited night vision, my mom somehow navigated the three hour drive home through the darkness and thunderstorms in my 1985 Firebird (with faulty windshield wipers).  Tornadoes ripped through southern Indiana that night, yet no matter how bad the weather was, she just kept driving.  For more than three hours she drove until we eventually made it home.  The whole ordeal sticks out as one of hundreds of shining examples of my mom’s unconditional love.  It sums up what I’ve been so very fortunate to have all these many years: a wonderful, caring mother who always put her children first, and poured all she had in order to take care of her children.  I love you, mom.  Happy Mother’s Day!

Some Random Things I've Learned Over The Past 34 Years

4/23/12

• One of the most precious resources on earth is family.  As each year passes, I am reminded just how fortunate I am to have an amazing mother, father, and brother.  My extended family is pretty cool, too.

• When we were young, our grandparents bragged about us.  As we get older, we brag about our grandparents.

• People don’t listen to their voicemail.

This tree survived a fire and still stands in the park where I grew up.

• Bloody Marys excite most everyone I know…except me.  I wish I liked them.  I also wish I liked bananas.  They seem like such a fun thing to peel and eat, but if only someone would do something about the taste.

• It is difficult to truly make me laugh.

• A diet is something that’s viewed as temporary.  It’s not—a diet is a way of life.  You really are what you eat.  My life improved dramatically when I started eating only organic fruits & vegetables.  My life changed even more for the better when I eliminated gluten from my diet. 

• If Ryan Seacrest can do it, so can you.

• We spend so much time trying to fit in when we were born to stand out.

• Sometimes sentences end with prepositions.  Life goes on.

• I once heard a quote from Kenny Rogers that I think is pretty cool: "There are 3 versions of each of us. The version you think I am, the version I think I am and who I really am. The closer you can make those 3 versions, the longer you’ll last and the more authentic you are.”  Also, The Gambler is a great song.

• Super-religious people frighten me.  

• The song “Radar Love” is good.  Damn good.

• Everybody thinks their baby is smarter than all other babies.  Cuter, too.

• I am happy that I’m a man for a million reasons.  One such reason is that women have to attend showers.  I can’t think of a less appealing way to spend a Saturday.

• We are all blessed with a specific gift and/or talent.  It’s our responsibility to share those gifts with the world.

• Finally, a quote from Maya Angelou: "I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."  Bravo.

The First Person To Let Me Through The Door

2/18/12

A skinny 18 year-old kid from Schererville, Indiana jumped off the South Shore train at Chicago’s Randolph Street Station that November morning in 1995.  It was my first day as an intern at a radio station called “FM-100” (100.3FM/WPNT-FM) and I couldn't be more thrilled to get to work.  During an impromptu trip to Chicago a few weeks earlier, my friend Steve and I stopped by the studios of that same radio station seeking a tour.  By the conclusion of the tour, I had talked myself into an internship with Lynne Murray—the midday personality who doubled as the Music Director of the station.  Lynne was a radio veteran who had worked at stations all across the west before landing in Chicago.  Her colleagues referred to her as a “tough broad” and a lover of “boy scouts.”  The latter was made clear on my first day as an intern.  Before slipping on her headphones to go on the air, she turned to me and said, “Oh, and by the way, I don’t date the men I work with.”  I didn’t know why she was telling me that, but I did learn later than she had a penchant for younger men.  

Having worked in the Adult Contemporary format for the bulk of her career, Lynne was used to working with men who programmed stations geared toward women.  She couldn’t stand hearing her male colleagues tell her what women want.  She made mention of it multiple times during my four-month internship.  The following year after my internship ended, I made another surprise visit to Lynne at the studios in the Hancock Tower.  My timing was perfect since she was looking to hire someone to run the controls for an upcoming Sunday morning shift.  I happily accepted and, with that, started my radio career.  I would end up outlasting Lynne at the radio station—she (along with the majority of the on-air staff) was fired in 1997 when the station was sold.  We kept in touch over the next few years through letters, phone calls, and email.  I’ll never forget one particular email that still stands out in my head.  In the spring of 2001, Lynne wrote, “So I’m standing at White Hen on Sunday morning buying a cup of coffee…imagine my surprise when I heard my only intern’s voice on the radio giving me the weather!  My heart was bursting with pride!  I’m so proud of you!”  I consider it high praise especially considering Lynne had another intern after my internship expired.  You couldn’t wipe the smile off my face.  It was—and remains—the greatest compliment that anyone in the business has ever paid me.  A few weeks later, a colleague phoned me with some terrible news: Lynne was found dead in her apartment.  

A packed room filled with friends and former colleagues gathered at Mike Ditka’s Restaurant to honor Lynne’s memory.  We celebrated her the way she would have wanted—sharing our favorite Lynne stories and, of course, wine.  That evening as I exited, I saw a prayer card sitting on a table next to some photos of Lynne.  I slid the card into my pocket.  Since that day, I haven’t gone to work without Lynne at my side.  That same prayer card that I slid into my pocket in 2001 still remains in a special compartment of my work bag.  The card looks a bit weathered these days, but it still serves as a reminder of the woman who took a chance by hiring some teenaged kid from Indiana.  Thank you, Lynne, for believing in me and for being at my side all these many years.   

Squaring Off

Someone's dog will likely win.

Despite the odds, I’m more likely to buy a Powerball lottery ticket than a square in this weekend's Superbowl office pool.  What usually happens is that I’ll receive the numbers 5 and 8—essentially assuring myself of not winning a dime.  Should my numbers actually come up, I’m led into a false sense of security that I’ll be $500 richer provided the score remains the same with 36 seconds remaining in the second quarter.  What ends up happening, of course, is that some kicker with a name such as Gramǟtica will nail a 72-yard field goal as time expires.  That $500 prize instead will go to someone named Alice from accounting who isn’t even watching the game—Alice is happily tuned into the Puppy Bowl on Animal Planet.