Final Thoughts on Paul Konerko

In all my years of attending White Sox games, I can only recall two where I walked out of the park thinking about something other than whether the Sox won or lost the game.  The first occasion happened in 2006 when the White Sox handed out World Series rings.  The second time was on September 27, 2014--otherwise known as Paul Konerko Day in the State of Illinois.  On this evening, Konerko would play his next to last game in his long and productive baseball career.  Even with a bad back, a broken bone in his hand, and a heavy heart, Konerko showed up just as he had for the previous 16 years.  You could see why White Sox fans identified with "Paulie."  He showed up to work, did his job, and did so with a hard nosed yet modest style of play.  He never whined to the media about his contract or the umpires and never showed up in columns about DUIs or steroids.  Paul did not like the spotlight or being center of attention, and he didn't welcome the hoopla of his impending retirement.  He wanted to go out his way...quietly.

On an evening where he was presented with countless gifts from his current and former teammates as well as a bronze statue of himself, Konerko maintained his composure and spoke gracefully and humbly (he first thanked and congratulated the visiting Kansas City Royals who had clinched a post-season birth the evening prior).  Listening to Konerko, I felt like I was listening to an old friend or even a guy sitting in the row behind me.  Paulie was one of us.  

We unfairly put athletes on pedestals, but then seem surprised when they disappoint us.  After all, athletes are humans just like the rest of us.  Yet, Konerko never seemed disappointed his fans.  He could hit into double play after double play, but his fans never turned on him.  It's rare for fans to give any player a free pass, but it happened. 

White Sox fans are notorious for finding excuses not to go to the ballpark, yet 38,160 of them showed up on Paul Konerko Night.  We wanted to say goodbye to our Captain and the final remaining player from the World Champion 2005 team.  That night, Paul Konerko the human being was proudly on display: husband, father to three kids, and humble leader of the White Sox.  Paul was no longer an athlete in my eyes, but a mere mortal like the rest of the 38,000 seated there.  First base just won't look the same again.  You will be missed, Paulie.

A (Chelsea) Dagger To My Ears

Each Chicago sports team has a soundtrack all their own.  The instrumental version of "Bear Down Chicago Bears" plays before, during, and after each Sunday Bears game.  The song has outlived the dated "Superbowl Shuffle"--and with good reason.  The Bulls set the standard for announcing the starting lineup thanks to "Sirius" by The Alan Parsons Project.  We also can't forget the contributions made by Gary Glitter's "Rock & Roll, Part II" during the 1990s (a song many incorrectly believe is called "Na-Nah-Nah-Nah-Nah-HEY!").  The White Sox go hand-in-hand with "Thunderstruck" by AC/DC as well as Journey's "Don't Stop Believin" thanks to the 2005 World Series run.  That brings us to the Cubs who really haven't won anything.  They're stuck with the classic "Go Cubs Go" as well as that Eddie Vedder gem from the 2008 series called "All The Way (Until We Get Swept in the First Round)".  Finally, we move to the Blackhawks.  Somehow, a 2006 song about a high class British prostitute called "Chelsea Dagger" has become synonymous with the Hawks.  It's also a song that makes my ears bleed.  As a Chicagoan, I feel it is my duty to eat deep dish pizza, frequent Navy Pier, and refer to the living room as the "fronch room"--despite not liking any of those things.  The same can be said for the Hawks.  I've never been a fan, but certainly root for them.  However, I can't stand that stupid song that every media outlet plays whenever conversation turns to hockey.  Am I wrong to feel this way?

Look Up

"You'll never get anywhere when your head is facing down."

This video more eloquently tells the story.

Declaring War on the Word "Epic"

America, your use of the word epic has reached epic proportions and must stop immediately.  

Love At First Spin

We fell in love in front of dryer #13.

Many movies and TV commercials want you to believe it's possible for a man and woman to fall in love at a laundromat.  Think about it: dryer lint, a handful of quarters, and the sound of a Mexican soap opera playing on an old television screen...the whole scene practically screams romance.  In reality, there's usually a handful of children milling about the place while an over-sized woman named Norma hollers at them.  Even if you're lucky enough to run into someone who catches your eye, good luck trying to make small talk while trying not to look at her neatly folded panties.
 

A Gift From The Heavens ala Service Merchandise

Did you know the phrase “a gift from the heavens” originated at a Service Merchandise store?  It was Service Merchandise that birthed the concept that a every customer should fill out a slip listing the product he wished to purchase, hand said slip to the clerk, and then stared patiently at a conveyor belt extending from a giant hole in the ceiling.  A customer named Mavis was overheard saying, “This is truly a gift from the heavens!” after a box containing her wide-slot toaster descended from the ceiling hole, down the conveyor belt, and to the hands of a giddy Mavis.  Much like the void at shopping centers all across America, Service Merchandise left us all feeling empty when the final store closed its doors in 2002.  The real tragedy is that no competing retailer has adopted the brilliant idea of using a conveyor belt in their stores.

Did I Just Hear Those Lyrics?

It's taken about 20 years, but Jeffrey Dahmer has finally made his way into the lyrics of a pop song.  A hat tip to Katy Perry for her I'm-Still-Not-Sure-Why-This-Terrible-Song-Is-Popular "Dark Horse" for giving a cannibal his due lyric.  Though I suppose the real credit goes to the rapper Juicy J because he actually raps the lyrics:

She’s a beast
I call her Karma (come back)
She eats your heart out
Like Jeffrey Dahmer (woo)

Now that Jeffrey Dahmer has finally made his way into music, it knocks two older songs and their odd lyrics out of the top spots on the countdown.  

"The Way I Am" - Ingrid Michaelson

Long before Bill Rancic was the face of Rogaine, Ingrid Michaelson put the idea in Jiuliana Rancic's head.

"Break It Down Again" - Tears for Fears

Is there a more pleasurable image to envision than Moses on a motorbike?