Just Bleeping Beep!

You go to call your friend Jim.  Jim doesn't answer his phone, and you get his voicemail: "Hey, this is Jim.  Leave me a message."  Between the moment Jim's outgoing message ends and the beep sounds, the following options are given: 

"To leave a message, wait for the tone."
"To page the person, press 5."
"To leave a callback number, press 7."
"To vote NO to Proposition 74, press *#"
"To have a star named for your loved one, press 18."
"To be or not to be, press B...or don't."
"To have your steak cooked medium-rare, press 45."
"To listen to Peter Francis Geraci's Bankruptcy Info Tapes, press 11."

Finally, the beep sounds.  You leave Jim a message.

Ten minutes later Jim calls you back and asks what you wanted.

You ask, "Didn't you listen to my voicemail?"

"No," Jim says.  "I saw you called so I called you back."

All of that for nothing.
 

Voicemail Greeting Makeovers

4/1/11

It has come to my attention that everyone has the exact same voicemail message on their office phone.  The script reads something like this: “Hello, you’ve reached the desk of _____(so-and-so)____.  I’m either away from my desk right now or on another line.  Please leave a message and I’ll get back to you at my earliest convenience.”  On this first day of April 2011, I dare you to be different.  Re-record your greeting today and say something creative, dammit.  Tell me how many days there are until Christmas.  Tell a knock-knock joke.  Give a recipe for saltwater taffy.  Pretend that you’re Johnny Mathis.  Declare your love for hush puppies (the side dish at Long John Silver’s, not the shoes).  Whatever it is, make it unique and then sit back and wait for your voicemail indicator lamp to light up with messages from delighted clients, impressed colleagues, and baffled telemarketers.